pet project

visit the project at:

PROJECT CAPTAIN PLANET

i'll have an image eventually :P
share a thought. :)

Cupcakes for the Birthday Girl

It's my cousin's birthday and we both enjoy cooking and baking. Instead of trying to find a gift that works and fits her, I decided to bake some cupcakes.

I had planned to make a twist on Strawberry Shortcake and Banana Bread. I wan

ted to translate the strawberry shortcake into a cupcake after our trip to Japan last year and tasting the most heavenly shortcake at a department store cafe. We even talked about recreating it here the Japanese way. With the banana bread, I've always loved the way we make banana bread at home, with sprite. LOL Plus dad brought home peanut brittle from Baguio and I wanted to incorporate those as well.

Needless to say, both plans failed to materialize.

It was too hot, humid, and I don't think the whipping cream wanted to cooperate with me. Plus our bananas weren't quite as ripe yet. BOO.

So I turned both ideas into these:

---- Choco-chip cupcake (initially choco-banana) with Peanut Butter icing and Peanut Brittle

---- Vanilla Cupcake with Strawberry Filling and (leftover) Peanut Butter icing (instead of the white fluffy whipped icing)

Oh well. LOL they taste good, so that's fine. :))

Happy Birthday Pao-pao!

When You Feel Loss

A few weeks ago the father of a dear friend of mine passed away. A total ambush on everyone. Like a tragic speeding truck casualty - gone too quick too soon. This post is dedicated to her.

-

Emotions are powerful, contagious, and overwhelming. They convey the subtlest of our inner struggles, written on our faces, exhaled from our actions.

Most admirable is the love of a daughter for her father, placed in a situation which cannot be controlled. The arrival of the carriage that takes us down to eternity. It stops us in our tracks. Makes us wonder. Forces us to reevaluate. That as we take each other's hand, it becomes clear that there is mutual support. Comfort for what has been lost and what will be given up at the end of all our journeys.

We worry. Of remembering and of forgetting. Of paying tribute and of moving on. The feeling of an epic bursting from within, when the thick veil of shock and momentary numbness falls off. A tug from reality. A knock on the door of our consciousness, urging us to face it with a strong will - fighting with that tired, exhausted self. Wanting to just let things be.

We keep to ourselves. Feign enjoyment. Then become cognizant of a speck of ourselves which does not want to lose our individuality because of what we experienced. And it becomes a cycle. Harsh, real, and breakable only through wearing with time. Or through personal promise.

But guilt should not be mulled over. The "what ifs" of life should not be considered. The human spirit is stronger here than ever. Even if it feels like everything is breaking. Our fragility can make us strong. There may be strength in numbers, but at this point, when it sometimes feels impossible to relate to others, the courage to be is more than enough. The knowledge that every single thing in this world that knocks you down can be worked around on, outsmarted, and defeated.

Nothing is ever eternally lost. Nothing is ever eternally forgotten. Letting go is not synonymous to forgetting. The beauty of this realization is that when we need to, there is a special place we can go to. A cove of memories which we revisit not through our mind but with our hearts.

Superstitious Beliefs

My family and I were discussing the driver's problems during lunch. His mother in law called him up accusing him of putting a hex on his wife. They live apart during the week and goes home only during the weekends since he stays at my grandmother's house as her driver. They apparently knew this after consulting a sorhano who tells them the wife is feeling ill because an old woman and a man put a curse on her.

The conversation led to other things. Including a story about how my grandfather was abducted by tamawo. That certain relatives had the gift of sight. And so on...

I kept quiet while they talked because I know mom is this die hard Catholic and lola is old school Chinese practicality all the way (meaning, she believes in her Catholic faith, but cannot dismiss the local stories of aswangs or some of the Chinese beliefs). I don't like talking to them about these things because I would just blow up the matter completely. I was born Catholic, but I don't limit my beliefs to this one faith alone. It's idiotic to think that any one religion is the true religion. That's like claiming you know how the whole plot of a movie after seeing the cast names.

The thing is, I don't go ape shit crazy believing everything I hear either. Like with luck for example. I'm a rabbit in the Chinese zodiac. This coming February 3 is the Chinese New Year, signaling the end of the tiger's year and moving into the rabbit. Now, if it's your year, it's apparently bad luck for you. I don't want to totally dismiss the idea, maybe they were on to something with this. But I still believe we create our own luck. Most of the time things just happen randomly in the world and taking certain opportunities will create that luck (or bad luck) for you. But the action still lies in you. It's like the universe throwing out candy all throughout the millennium and we sorta have to stretch our hands out to catch it. If we really listen closely, the universe gives us little hints. That's how we get lucky or unlucky. By how we respond to those hints. (or so I like to think)

Now just because I can't be sure if certain superstitions are true doesn't meant it doesn't sit at the back of my mind when I do things. Stuff like don't sleep with your hair wet or don't cut your nails at night seem absurd. But you begin to wonder what reasons people had to point this out back then. How was it applicable in their lives that they had to make these rules?? Sometimes I say "fuck it. I need to sleep"... but I can't help but avoid being in the situation "just to be safe"... It's very funny.

I have a long list of things I try to avoid if I can... and some are pretty weird. All of them however were told to me by elders or in cartoons (about the spirit world). LOL Some include:

1. not to walk under a ladder (ive done this countless of times without bad luck though)

2. to say "tabi tabi po" just in case i trample someone's invisible home (sometimes i forget and it's all good so far)

Here are weird ones I don't follow:

1. not to eat kinilaw at night (maybe it concerns indigestion?)

2. to wipe your face with your blood soiled panties during your first menstruation

3. to jump with coins on new year for wealth

4. sore eyes can be cured by washing it with urine (ew)

So yeah.... believe what you wanna believe. Life is too short to live by someone else's rules.

Bones

Fox Channel has been supplying me with recent bumming faves. My most liked show of the moment: Bones.

I only have one problem with the show. It's a season late versus the US telecast.

Now, although I don't understand everything that happens in the show (especially the technicalities) I enjoy the drama exceedingly. And I'm very excited that more and more shows glorify the geeks (for lack of better terms at the moment). I don't want to sound like I'm generalizing the genre. But I think it's a really good thing that writers are creating smart shows. Intelligent and engaging shows.

Here's a girl that REALLY understands the show --> LINK LINK LINK. I've always wondered if doctors also watch Bones (or other medical-field-related show out there) and try to point out writer errors or, you know, agree to a show's believability. The blog I linked shares a great deal on the episode and her thoughts on the credibility of the writing. I'm pleased to know people take the show seriously. LOL They're quite observant (wrong bones laid out, etc.) which I guess is obvious, because they wouldn't be in their field of work if they didn't at least know these things.

It's an awesome show. My aunt, who's a judge, also enjoys the show. I bet she wishes that people here were as meticulous as the Bones team.

Anyway... I bawled on this particular episode. (Season 6, episode 9) A Bones series first. It's not exactly the type of show where you find drama heart wrenching enough to make you cry. It's mostly decomposed bodies and insect larvae. But I felt it in this episode. Yes, maybe a little cliche, but life gets a little cliche too sometimes. It's weird how I've developed such an attachment to characters in a show. You root for them, you feel sad with them. Have these shows always been this good? LOL

In between the crying (which ranged from slightly misty, continuous droplets, and all out sobbing) I kept wondering if Micah the night watchman was real (especially after Booth asked who he was), or if Dr. Brennan was indeed dreaming it all up (the show was oddly focused on her too much). I think the breakdown could be possible... but only because the writers have been making Dr. Brennan feel for Booth and Hannah too much these past few episodes. I'm all for a Brennan + Booth love team but it would break their professional code. I'd like to think they would go for it though. lol I'm all for inappropriate behavior for a few kilig moments in the series.

All in all I am very happy with this episode. So happy about it in fact that it made me cry and write about it. Which I would normally never do. Five Stars!

The Big Mistake

I prefer to believe in the good that is inside all of us. That what makes a person "imbalanced" are numerous factors that people apply on themselves. I say this because I have this bad habit of attempting to bring out the best side of a particular person. Not to say that my chosen "victims" are bad per se. Just that I feel that they see themselves in a very lopsided and biased way (mostly very pessimistic).

We've all probably experienced it once or twice - that feeling of wanting to change another person for the better. Whether it is for the good of the person in question or if it brings a sort of fulfillment to the instigator.

The problem always arises from the same thing: Does a person change because you want him/her to?

The answer is no. And I think it will always be a no. After listening to countless tales of girlfriends trying to metamorphose their boys into gentlemen, and an inner battle for change within myself, I have come to the conclusion that we should all just stop wasting our time, and focus our efforts on something more fruitful. Like saving forests (LOL).

People seem to have this personality "foundation" code that makes us do things/make decisions the way we do. And no amount of prying and tweaking from a 3rd party analyst will make any difference. The realization of the need for change, the mind-numbing inner battle, the will power and the acceptance all needs to come from one person and one person alone - the self.

We MAY get another person to realize he/she needs a personality transplant but we will never be able to make them agree to changing themselves that easily. Change is never easy. Even if it only concerns our viewpoint of ourselves. Especially if you've grown to live with that image, and learned to accept it, long long before someone points out the faulty logic/biased judgement on yourself.

This is where we all get our hopes up and have them crash down on us again at g7 proportions.

-

The gentle nudging may continue. But I'm telling you now not to get too excited too quickly if something happens. Sometimes it's a glitch in the system (a particularly happy day) which may soon be patched up by one's insecurities again.

If you've witnessed a permanent change in someone (for the better), well, good for you! Until then, all we can do is just hope and be pestering, nudging friends.

*these are opinions and are all very subjective. please don't berate me if i got it wrong on some points (versus studies by psychologists/anthropologists or of whatever profession) i don't mind you sharing your insights on the matter. just be courteous. the web is a very scary place to be.*

The Calm

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather, the judgment that something else is more important than fear.  The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

I have been feeling contented these past few days and have begun to wonder if this is due to a fresh and optimistic outlook for the year or if it is the proverbial "calm before the storm".  Either way, I'm pleased at how things have turned out.

Whatever this feeling is, I hope it stays.  I've been thinking clearer than usual and am more engaged with the things I do.

If I have to guess, I'd say it's due to all the social activities I've been "agreeing to attend more often than i used to".  Meeting the gang, late night drink-a-pades, laughing until my sides hurt, boxing with testosterone-pumped guys... Those have to be the only reason why I'm feeling so much better.  More functioning than I used to be.


Recently, I've also started to regain a little bit of faith in other Bacolod drivers.  I thought driving "smart" was dying.  I give courtesy and being observant on the road utmost importance (and pogi points).  The problem though, a sort of balancing out of good and bad, is one especially lazy driver maneuvering the Julia Roberts jeep like a maniac wearing blinders.

Now, I'm not sure why, but I keep catching myself trying to analyze people's actions (even my own).  Why we say certain things, how we say them, to whom and with what tone... It's like a game I play with myself.  Trying to read other people.  Trying to understand why I say a certain thing.  It's rather amusing.  Whether I'm right in my assumptions or not doesn't really matter at this point.  It's just unconsciously running in the background like an activated virus scan while you're watching a movie.

-

I miss my girls.  Us complete.  I'm meeting them (incomplete) this weekend for an outreach activity at a girl's home.  Starting the year right?  You betcha. :)